Curriculum Vitae

BONES BAGGODIX JONES

Professional Snuggle Specialist & Overqualified Good Boy

📍 Seeking: Forever Home (Benefits Included)

🐾 Qualifications Summary

• 80 lbs of pure love (with occasional zoomies)

• Certified Velcro Dog™ (will be your shadow/life coach)

• Expert in FOMO Management (must supervise all human activities)

• Mouth Play Enthusiast (gentle nibbler—no suits/dress shoes harmed)

• Slobber Technician (makes Picasso-worthy drool bubbles and puddles at mealtimes)

📜 Professional Experience

Lead Couch Occupier & Drool Distribution Engineer

• Excels at blanket redistribution and bed hogging

• Maintains 24/7 "Puppy Dog Eyes" certification

• Trained humans to provide timely snacks (6AM/7PM sharp)

• 5-star Yelp reviews for "most creative drool placement" (walls, floors, human pants)

Recreational Activities Director

• XL Tennis Ball Retrieval Specialist (not responsible for slobber damage)

• Tug-of-War Champion (will let you win sometimes)

• Other Dog Entertainment Coordinator (play style: "joyfully rough")

🎓 Education & Certifications

• Graduate of the School of Hard Knocks (valedictorian, survival division)

• Fully Housebroken (honors in "Holding It Until Walk Time")

• Crate-Trained (but prefers "Executive Suite" access)

• Up-to-Date Vaccines (anti-rabies, pro-cuddles)

🦴 Skills & Commands

Fluent in:

• Sit ✋

• Wait ⏳ (patience may vary)

• "Go Lay Down" 🛏️ (usually negotiable)

• "This Way" ➡️ (unless sniffing something important)

  Toy Preferences:

• XL Tennis Balls (the bigger, the better)

• Tug Ropes (will accept surrender treaties)

• Other Dogs (*size: L/XL only—no "fun-sized" companions*)

🏡 Ideal Work Environment

• WFH Humans Preferred (must tolerate "Paw-ductivity" interruptions)

• Rural/Farm Settings (will not elope—too busy following you everywhere)

• Retirees Welcome (expert at slow walks and nap coordination)

• Dog-Friendly Offices (will boost morale by staring at lunches)

Team Compatibility:

• Solo or Large Dog Households (40+ lbs - tiny dogs are "mystery creatures")

• Prefers Female Managers (still healing from toxic male coworker at last job)

• Kid-Compatible (ages 10+ only—no toddlers, he’s a "clumsy giant")

📌 References & Additional Notes

• Medical Records Available (worm-free since 2025!)

• Neutering Pending (HR is reviewing the policy)

• Salary Requirements: Unlimited belly rubs + 2 meals/day (see contract for treat clauses)

📩 CONTACT FOR INTERVIEW:

Christian Frazier

• Text - 423-240-0776

• Email - cpn042@gmail.com

Act fast—this candidate won’t be on the market long!

✨ Bonus Skills:

• Alarm Clock (6AM breakfast reminder)

• Therapist (expert at listening to your problems... or at least looking like he is)